I believe that Evey in our life has meaning. We chose where we want to be born and every single situations in our life happens from a reason. Coincidences don't exist. All the complicated situations
in relationships, at school, work and personal life happen in a moment when we're supposed to realize something and we need a signal from the outside to do it. It always works like this.
Altough we realize this quite often, sometimes it's difficult to admit that things go wrong because of us. What are we doing wrongly?
When I was sixteen, I was in my best shape. I lost some weight, I toned and strengthened my body, I was full of energy and my physical endurance was much better. I felt great when I was wearing mini shorts and crop tops. And I also got back my confidence after years of being very self-conscious .... Because I was finally doing something for myself, I could see the improvement, the changes in my body (and also in my mental health) and I was proud of myself.
But then everything went wrong. Problems in relationships, family, at school ... In the morning I used to wake up feeling angry, I would come back home from school feeling bored,annoyed and in the evenings I would go to bed early because I was basically tired of ANYTHING. I didn't enjoy any activities, my mood was horrible all the time and I felt that no matter what I do, I would never be able to change anything for better. So during that time my healthy lifestyle just fell apart. I started having problems with binge eating, overeating at night, craving unhealthy food whenever I was feeling sad, angry or disappointed. I was eating white flour pastry and sweets, things I used to call "shitty food" just a little while ago. In the morning I would have a healthy breakfast but than, in the evening I would eat all the "bad stuff" we had at home. So around my 18th birthday I stopped on a weight and it showes 10 more kilograms than I used to have about a year and a half ago.
In spite of that, I also was having less and less energy - physical and mental, I wasn't satisfied with myself. As I sad in the beginning, I believe that things happen from work reason. And I had to go trhoguh time of binge eating, depression, complainin and feeling sorry for myself to realize few things. Now I know that although many people do the samemistake as I did ... Food will never cover the "hole" in your life, it won't compensate for hobbies and relationships. It's just a short term "plaster" for your bad mood, but in a while it makes it even worse.
I also think that maybe this all happened because I need to accept myself and my body. It's okay to work on your physical body, to work out, eat healthy - that's awesome! ... But we should accept where we are in the beginning. Stop living healthy because you hate your body, but because you love it and you want to care about your body with kindness.
One of the reasons why it all I went wrong, was the fact, that I got tired of explainin my lifestyle. There were just few people who really supported me. Before I went on this "journey" people sometimes used to comment my (too) big butt etc. But then it was the opposite - everyone would tell me that I wasn't eating anything (which wasn't true at all), that I was "too skinny" they had comments about me ordering tea instead of ice cream in a café ..
And then when I again put on some weight, there were more comments - some people tell me that I look better with, some people tell me I should start working out again..
So thanks to this experience I realized .... That no matter what you do, there will always be someone who won't like you. Somebody who will always criticize every step you take. That reminds me of a beautiful Zen story:
One day, a man with his woman and son went on a journey. The child was sitting on a donkey and the parents were walking behind them. When they came to the first village, they heard people saying "Look at that boy! He rides a donkey and his poor tired parents must walk!" So the boy got down from the donkey and his dad sat on him. They arrived to another village and they heard people saying: "Look at that man! His wife and son just traipse while he's comfortably sitting." So the man let his wife to sit on the donkey but they didn't avoid nasty comments in the third village as well "Poor man. His wife is riding a horse, while the man, after long day of work, has to walk. And what about the little boy? Shame on her!" So they all sat on the donkey and they continued their journey. But the people were still looking at them and complaining: "Poor donkey, he has to carry such a weight! They want him to die with exhaustion!" So they finally let the donkey walk on his own and the three of them were walking behind him. "What idiots are these people? They have a donkey but they walk on their own!"
It doesn't matter what others think, because they will always find a reason to criticize you, you will never be good enough for everyone ... But you don't have to! It's our life and we should live it according to our priorities. I finally realized that I should follow my intuition and never wait for people to support you. If you believe that what are doing it right, just enjoy the feeling that the activity make sense to you - it doesn't matter if it's about your food choices or that you want to explore the world instead of going to University. The best things happen when you follow your dream, your beliefs, when you do something you believe in.
in relationships, at school, work and personal life happen in a moment when we're supposed to realize something and we need a signal from the outside to do it. It always works like this.
When I was sixteen, I was in my best shape. I lost some weight, I toned and strengthened my body, I was full of energy and my physical endurance was much better. I felt great when I was wearing mini shorts and crop tops. And I also got back my confidence after years of being very self-conscious .... Because I was finally doing something for myself, I could see the improvement, the changes in my body (and also in my mental health) and I was proud of myself.
But then everything went wrong. Problems in relationships, family, at school ... In the morning I used to wake up feeling angry, I would come back home from school feeling bored,annoyed and in the evenings I would go to bed early because I was basically tired of ANYTHING. I didn't enjoy any activities, my mood was horrible all the time and I felt that no matter what I do, I would never be able to change anything for better. So during that time my healthy lifestyle just fell apart. I started having problems with binge eating, overeating at night, craving unhealthy food whenever I was feeling sad, angry or disappointed. I was eating white flour pastry and sweets, things I used to call "shitty food" just a little while ago. In the morning I would have a healthy breakfast but than, in the evening I would eat all the "bad stuff" we had at home. So around my 18th birthday I stopped on a weight and it showes 10 more kilograms than I used to have about a year and a half ago.
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| "Vrchol" mého životního stylu - léto 2015 :) |
I also think that maybe this all happened because I need to accept myself and my body. It's okay to work on your physical body, to work out, eat healthy - that's awesome! ... But we should accept where we are in the beginning. Stop living healthy because you hate your body, but because you love it and you want to care about your body with kindness.
One of the reasons why it all I went wrong, was the fact, that I got tired of explainin my lifestyle. There were just few people who really supported me. Before I went on this "journey" people sometimes used to comment my (too) big butt etc. But then it was the opposite - everyone would tell me that I wasn't eating anything (which wasn't true at all), that I was "too skinny" they had comments about me ordering tea instead of ice cream in a café ..
And then when I again put on some weight, there were more comments - some people tell me that I look better with, some people tell me I should start working out again..
So thanks to this experience I realized .... That no matter what you do, there will always be someone who won't like you. Somebody who will always criticize every step you take. That reminds me of a beautiful Zen story:
One day, a man with his woman and son went on a journey. The child was sitting on a donkey and the parents were walking behind them. When they came to the first village, they heard people saying "Look at that boy! He rides a donkey and his poor tired parents must walk!" So the boy got down from the donkey and his dad sat on him. They arrived to another village and they heard people saying: "Look at that man! His wife and son just traipse while he's comfortably sitting." So the man let his wife to sit on the donkey but they didn't avoid nasty comments in the third village as well "Poor man. His wife is riding a horse, while the man, after long day of work, has to walk. And what about the little boy? Shame on her!" So they all sat on the donkey and they continued their journey. But the people were still looking at them and complaining: "Poor donkey, he has to carry such a weight! They want him to die with exhaustion!" So they finally let the donkey walk on his own and the three of them were walking behind him. "What idiots are these people? They have a donkey but they walk on their own!"
It doesn't matter what others think, because they will always find a reason to criticize you, you will never be good enough for everyone ... But you don't have to! It's our life and we should live it according to our priorities. I finally realized that I should follow my intuition and never wait for people to support you. If you believe that what are doing it right, just enjoy the feeling that the activity make sense to you - it doesn't matter if it's about your food choices or that you want to explore the world instead of going to University. The best things happen when you follow your dream, your beliefs, when you do something you believe in.
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