Freedom.

A week until my last high school exam. Projects to finish: 5. Unfinished books: 1. Problematic high school finals questions: 4. Summer holiday plans: tens. Realistically planned ones: 0

I've been looking forward to this summer for months. Or maybe years. 3 months of complete freedom. I have tons of free time. Quite enough money. Almost no duties. But as the school year was coming to its end, I realized that freedom is actually quite difficult thing to handle. 

In May, I emailed over 50 hosts on workaway.com and about 30 yoga centers, asking if they're looking for volunteers. Originally I was planning a trip to Greece or Sweeden - suddenly I was thinking about Sri Lank, Thailand, Philippines, Costarica, Nicaragua ...

Just few people answered me. Either my dates didn't fit to them or they already had some helpers or there was a rainy season during our summer holiday. After many hours of researching, copying and editting my motivation letter, at the beginning of June I took my grandma for a last-minute trip to Italy, where I was planning to make plans about the summer and my future life as well.

The second day of our vacation, the sky turned gray and the storm was about to come. We just came back from a beach and all of sudden I felt an urge to go for a run. I'm no runner. I went for run about a half a year ago and I was pretty sure I don't wanna do this anymore in my life. But suddenly I just felt the need to run.

I was running against the wind, until I reached the mouth of the Tronto river, which flows to te sea. I was sitting on a stone, watching the infinite sea all around me. The first raindrops started falling down and I was just sitting there, breathing the salty air and I got really mixed feelings. An incredible joy of the beautiful atmosphere in Martinsicuro - the sea, the good food, the awesome positive people in the camp. I felt sad that in few days, I'll have to come back home, where I'll smell urine from an apartment of our alcoholic neighbour instead of the salty air. Where I'll have to listen to the sound of the dredgers on road construction in our street instead of the sound of waves and happy Italian songs. And where I won't see any more tanned, energetic Italians but just angry, annoyed faces.

The weirdest feeling I got, was when I realized that I don't actually have to come home at all. I had my passport, ID and credit card and a luggage full of clothes with me. I finished my high school studies and I don't necessarily need to go to the University.

Poslední večerní představení v kempu - cirkus s akrobatkami a mou největší noční můrou - klaunem.

I've visited many interesting places in my life. But sometimes, traveling was so fast and hasty that I couldn't really enjoy the atmosphere of that place. In fall, I went for a school trip to Rome, where we visited all the important places including Colosseum, Pantheon, fontain di Trevi, Forum Romanum, Sixtine chapel ... however the week spent in an Italian camp and laying on the beach all day was much more amusant for me. I experienced the same thing in Paris and London - the endless walking around all the historical monuments could be never compared with the magical half an hour of sitting in front of flashing Eiffel tower and lit London Eye. 

Maybe it's all about comfort, maybe I'm not the "real traveller".

But I just don't want to continue doing things which don't feel natural to me. I don't care how it looks for the other people. I want to travel and really enjoy the atmosphere - no matter if I'll go volunteer, work or just go for a vacation. I want to find places where I'll be coming back to and where I'll settle one day. I don't wanna hurry, visit as many places as possible in as short time as possible ... just to make a tick in my bucket list.

I just want to be somewhere, where I feel good. Altough I was born in Czech Republic, I feel much more comfortable and natural in Southern Europe where I can go to the beach in the morning, practise yoga at sunrise, lay down on the beach, watch the waves, write, draw or read ... Just stop for a while and be present.